Not Feeling well... (Off Topic) Story of my day with my illness
Some of you might know, others don't know but I have a chronic illness which has never gone into remission for the last 2 1/2 years. Well, I have been able to cope with it for the past couple of months with out really any problems. But it appears that I am coming down with a cold so I am going to put my butt in bed for the next few days and kick this thing. Not sure where I got this cold from but it seems to be coming on strong. So as to not contaminate anyone, I am going to stick my behiny in bed for a few days.
My illness has made me become disabled and I fight with that all the time. I try not to let it kick my butt but there are times it does. This happens to be one of those times. I recently had to have an investigator out to my home (actually today) to investigate wheiter or not I was sick. I try my damdest to stay out of a wheel chair and just give up. I fight constantly with pain but I go on as I usually do. But I was insulted when my insurance company decided they needed to send an investigator out to my house. I was pissed and it was not the investigators fault he was just doing his job. I very very rarely let it get to me. There are days that it is bad and I think other thoughts but today everything got all brought up to the surface. I stressed the last month regarding this visit - but I put it on the back burner and kept myself busy so as to not think about it... one of the reasons I like knitting/crocheting I can just block it out of my mind. Many of my friends that I knit with know that there are days that I have to wear gloves so as to not bleed from my fingers onto my yarn or so that the yarn does not snag my skin (part of one of my 3 chronic illnesses - yeap 3 as if 1 was not enough) I very rarely let my illness get me down. But today I had to talk to some total stranger and tell him all the ins and outs of the desease.... that sucked! Let me just say THAT REALLY SUCKED! No sooner had he gotten to my home for the inspection, I started to bawl like a baby... Thank god my 77 year old father stopped by. It was hard on him in fact he called in for reinforcements when he saw how up set I was. He called my mom to come and help with the home inspection. I was scared, I was pissed, I was so very confused. Why do insurance companies put people through all this. Do they not read what my doctorsssss write??? The poor guy by the end of it wanted me to feel guilty that he had hurt his back while working out this morning... HELL I would just like to be able to go to a damn gym for a day... (open sores on your fingers, hands and feet are not a good thing to mix with dirty gym germs)... I just kept thinking of what some wise person told me a few weeks ago. That they have to do this because so many times are people fooling them and are not really sick. Thank you oh wise knitting women! I survived the visit and completely am worn out from it. Not because I had to do anything just the fact that I am mentally spent from all the worrying the days before and then to actually verbally discuss my illness. I am not hidding from it or acting as if its not there but I don't like to have to tell someone exactly what all I do and have to do just to be able to get going.... I wondered what he would think if I told him there are days that I don't get out of bed... or that it takes me until noon time to really be productive in my day... I guess it really hit me when he had to look at all my medicine bottles.... 14/15/16 too many to count... all those pills just to be able to be half of what I use to be. Funny I was going through my pill bag which happens to be a Jimmy Neutron Lunch Pail say "Oh you don't need that med to write down, Oh you don't need that one becuase I only take that when this happens..."
Ok... so I have vented and I needed to... I have no clue as to why I put this here on my blog but rather then emailing all my friends one at a time I thought I would just do it here and let you all know what happens in my life... As if you needed to know that much information.
I will NOT LET MY ILLNESS kick my butt. I am stronger then it - just there are days that it likes to remind me that knock knock... remember me... I am your chronic illness. I just tell it to shut up! LOL
Janet
My illness has made me become disabled and I fight with that all the time. I try not to let it kick my butt but there are times it does. This happens to be one of those times. I recently had to have an investigator out to my home (actually today) to investigate wheiter or not I was sick. I try my damdest to stay out of a wheel chair and just give up. I fight constantly with pain but I go on as I usually do. But I was insulted when my insurance company decided they needed to send an investigator out to my house. I was pissed and it was not the investigators fault he was just doing his job. I very very rarely let it get to me. There are days that it is bad and I think other thoughts but today everything got all brought up to the surface. I stressed the last month regarding this visit - but I put it on the back burner and kept myself busy so as to not think about it... one of the reasons I like knitting/crocheting I can just block it out of my mind. Many of my friends that I knit with know that there are days that I have to wear gloves so as to not bleed from my fingers onto my yarn or so that the yarn does not snag my skin (part of one of my 3 chronic illnesses - yeap 3 as if 1 was not enough) I very rarely let my illness get me down. But today I had to talk to some total stranger and tell him all the ins and outs of the desease.... that sucked! Let me just say THAT REALLY SUCKED! No sooner had he gotten to my home for the inspection, I started to bawl like a baby... Thank god my 77 year old father stopped by. It was hard on him in fact he called in for reinforcements when he saw how up set I was. He called my mom to come and help with the home inspection. I was scared, I was pissed, I was so very confused. Why do insurance companies put people through all this. Do they not read what my doctorsssss write??? The poor guy by the end of it wanted me to feel guilty that he had hurt his back while working out this morning... HELL I would just like to be able to go to a damn gym for a day... (open sores on your fingers, hands and feet are not a good thing to mix with dirty gym germs)... I just kept thinking of what some wise person told me a few weeks ago. That they have to do this because so many times are people fooling them and are not really sick. Thank you oh wise knitting women! I survived the visit and completely am worn out from it. Not because I had to do anything just the fact that I am mentally spent from all the worrying the days before and then to actually verbally discuss my illness. I am not hidding from it or acting as if its not there but I don't like to have to tell someone exactly what all I do and have to do just to be able to get going.... I wondered what he would think if I told him there are days that I don't get out of bed... or that it takes me until noon time to really be productive in my day... I guess it really hit me when he had to look at all my medicine bottles.... 14/15/16 too many to count... all those pills just to be able to be half of what I use to be. Funny I was going through my pill bag which happens to be a Jimmy Neutron Lunch Pail say "Oh you don't need that med to write down, Oh you don't need that one becuase I only take that when this happens..."
Ok... so I have vented and I needed to... I have no clue as to why I put this here on my blog but rather then emailing all my friends one at a time I thought I would just do it here and let you all know what happens in my life... As if you needed to know that much information.
I will NOT LET MY ILLNESS kick my butt. I am stronger then it - just there are days that it likes to remind me that knock knock... remember me... I am your chronic illness. I just tell it to shut up! LOL
Janet
posted by KniTaPaLooZa at
5/04/2005 11:11:00 PM
2 Comments:
I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say. I've been dealing with an injury from a car accident for two years that has put most of my life on hold. It's so hard. And I've had to spend the last four months dealing with my insurance company who is trying to get out of paying my PIP. I've had to jump through many hoops to "prove" I am injured and that injury comes from the car accident. That added tremendously to my stress. So, perhaps in a small way I can empathize?
I'm very sorry you had to go through that. Best wishes.
What is that famous movie quote? "Don't let the b@st@rds get you down!"
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home