The Curse of the Chrirstmass

The Curse of the Christmas Bah Hum bugs… well I would love to say that over the years I have really enjoyed Christmas but it seems each year I have come to realize that I myself suffer from the family curse which I saw for year from  my paternal Grandmother.  Christmas just never was a joyful experience for her.  But growing up I had to most awesome Christmases in the past and I am so very thankful for all of them but it seems that several years ago my father started showing signs of the bah hum bug.  Not in the way of giving gifts just in general.  Well over the years with all the stuff that has gone on in my life Christmas seems to be more and more a chore then an experience.  I know that I should be happy at what I have and that I have family around.  And I am thankful for all that.  I just can not get into the Christmas spirit this year.  We do not even have a Christmas tree this year.  It seems to me that I have made excuse after excuse as to why I don’t have one but it just is this.  I can see saving the money and spending it on the boys and everyone.  Does it make you less of a Holiday person if you don’t get a tree.  It is not like we even are here to have Christmas Eve under our tree.  We always celebrate at my parents.  So I don’t think I am missing anything.  I have to say this year it has been a real struggle to even get into the Christmas shopping spirit.  I try to make it all even with our 4 boys but it is very hard.  I just want to give them all a fantastic Christmas and it does not seem to happen.  I wish it did. But I know it will.

I am not whining I am just venting out how I feel about this.

I am trying to get my butt in gear and getting organized and cleaned up and stop running away from all the chores I have left behind like laundry.  YES I HATE LAUNDRY but I have made a pack with myself.  No computer and no going to the local yarn store until it is done.  This sucks.  But I must do it.  I am down to the last 5 loads so I think I can go and play tomorrow (cross your fingers).  I am also making myself go and go shopping this evening for the final gifts I need to get.  I have 2 more scarves to make and then wrap everything.  I know that it will all work out  I just need to get my butt in gear.